I tried, I really did..............and I discovered that Charity begins with "stress," not at home.

For years I, maybe like you, have thrown about the idea of volunteering on Christmas Day to try and make it, if nothing else, a moment of abundance and joy in the lives of people that need it the most. I've considered it a lot, but it was always gonna be next year, but "for sure." I'm not sure what it was, but earlier this week I decided that it was going to be this year, and I sent out an email. I sent it to The Salvation Army in Toronto, and they do lots of good work. As a gay man I've been encouraged over the years to boycott this organization due to the fact that some of the money they raise in their kettles has found it's way into things like hiring lawyers to lobby and fight against same-sex marriage. Whatever. They feed the needy and I wanted to help. Here is the email I got back:

Dear Peter,

Thank's for your interest in volunteering with us on Christmas Day. Although we need volunteers year-round, Christmas is a special day and we try and bring in as many "hands" as we can to make it special for our clients. If you are serious, time is of the essence here. I'll need you to come by the Marshall-Meighan center as soon as possible to fill-out the criminal records check form which we then fax to the R.C.M.P. I will also need you to have written proof that you have been vaccinated against Hepatitis A and B, and Tuberculosis. In addition you will be required to have your doctor perform a new TB test, immediately, to show you are currently TB free. Beyond that, we also require 7 (seven) written references, and these cannot include members of your immediate nor extended family. I hope to hear from you tomorrow at the latest, as we need to get this "ball" rolling.

Um, no. I'm sorry. I mean it's not like I am trying to work with "at risk" youth or anything...I just wanted to serve some turkey. Am I crazy to think that this is all a "bit much?" I mean, when they do the criminal records check, I know for a fact that one thing has in the past come-up and is likely to come-up again. It was a suicide attempt 15 years ago. It's in my C.P.I.C record. Apparently it's easy to get it expunged, but in the meantime it's there.


I also tried The Scott Mission, Casey House and others. Same thing. I think what I'll do is just try and buy someone a hot meal myself.


I have no doubt that they will have no trouble finding volunteers, but there were too many "hoops" for me. I'll have to settle for overeating and drinking and getting maudlin and depressed like everyone else I guess. Oh, and be warned. Seriously. I tend to get more than a little sentimental on Christmas, and have been known to make a few "I love you, just so you know" calls.

It's funny, but I really wanted to help. Is it "wrong" that I wanted to reply to that email with "give me a friggin' break!?"